I remember I used to neve be away from a Harmonium, every week for 3 days I had to be on the vaja, either performing or learning or teaching someone a shabad. That was my life for almost 8 years, Practice, perform, practice, perform… and then all of a sudden STOP. I moved out to san jose and thats it I stopped, didn’t touch it, out of the past 2 years I believe I performed a shabad 3 times, and practiced my vaja about couple douzen times.
Today I was showing my roommates parents my baby pictures and pictures of my parents, and randomly my roommate goes ‘Hey Avnit, sing us a shabad my moms been wanting to listen to your voice for a while now’ (supposedly he heard me singing in my room once), and I said sure and I brought it out along with my shabad book.
The moment I touched the keys it was like something hit me inside, this urge of pain, and longing and wanting to be something… I touched the keys and started playing my favorite shabad. Actually played a few others but it was during this one I felt something most.
Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Siree Raag on Pannaa 80
su(n)dhar suaamee dhhaam bhagatheh bisraam aasaa lag jeevathae jeeo ||
My Lord and Master’s Home is beautiful. It is the resting place of His devotees, who live in hopes of attaining it.
man thanae galathaan simarath prabh naam har a(n)mrith peevathae jeeo ||
Their minds and bodies are absorbed in meditation on the Name of God; they drink in the Lord’s Ambrosial Nectar.
a(n)mrith har peevathae sadhaa thhir thheevathae bikhai ban feekaa jaaniaa ||
They drink in the Lord’s Ambrosial Nectar, and become eternally stable. They know that the water of corruption is insipid and tasteless.
bheae kirapaal gopaal prabh maerae saadhhasa(n)gath nidhh maaniaa ||
When my God, the Lord of the Universe became merciful, I came to look upon the Saadh Sangat as the treasure.
sarabaso sookh aana(n)dh ghan piaarae har rathan man a(n)thar seevathae ||
All pleasures and supreme ecstasy, O my Beloved, come to those who sew the Jewel of the Lord into their minds.
eik thil nehee visarai praan aadhhaaraa jap jap naanak jeevathae ||3||
They do not forget, even for an instant, the Support of the breath of life. They live by constantly meditating on Him, O Nanak. ||3||
I start singing the shabad and all of a sudden inside of me just goes Waheguru, waheguru, Waheguru, waheguru. Like as if something turned on… and I couldnt help it but sing the shabad in a way that would please my mind, in full concentration to the guru. To cry out and say to myself, dont ever forget Guru ji even for a second and live by singing his praises. It made me feel like there was nothing to worry about… just wanted to keep saying Jap Jap Nanak Jeevathae over and over again.
When I stopped singing my shabad I opened my eyes and realized everyone in the room is looking at me and my roommates mom, says were your parents proud that you did keertan, did they encourage you to do it more, I said yes… she then said you can hear the pain in your voice when you sing, sing more often.
I think I should sing more often, I do want to learn more keertan, I dont want to go and perform though, I was to do it as a form of bhagtee … I dont want to do keertan for others so I can win prizes or hear praises, I want to do it so I literally feel the peace inside me when I sing like I did today. I forgot my surroundings, I forgot who was there and who wasnt, I just kept singing, by the time I was done I almost had tears in my eyes.
I wish to learn more keertan, to sing shabads like this and feel the same feeling I had while singing everyday, every moment, through every breath I take. Nothing can compare to it…. Waheguru ji hopefully will bless me with this… because I dont think I will be able to live without it.